The primary ingredient in the recipe for healing and transformation is compassion.
Most of my clients claim to be their own biggest critics and worst enemies.
Of course, they're no different than anyone else.
I've come to learn that by teaching them how to love and believe in themselves, though a practice of self-compassion, they finally get where they want to be.
The challenge faced by many is they don't know how to love who they are before they reach their goals--that is part of what it means to be your worst enemy.
The goal then is self-acceptance, which requires self-compassion.
A few of the skill sets I teach to develop self-compassion are...
1. How to embrace imperfection
2. How to surrender control
3. How to process painful emotions
4. How access the present moment
5. How to embody peace, joy and love
To support this process, I have them commit to repeating this statement often: "I'm doing the best I can with what I've got."
Be warned, the critical mind is not willing to accept this reality but it's true.
In this moment, given your past experiences, personal beliefs, skill-sets and resources, you are in fact doing the best you can with what you've got.
This doesn't mean you can't do better next time, it's just where you are in this moment...this is a mature act of self-acceptance and meeting reality where it's at.
There is one more bit of resistance worth mentioning: Once you realize you're doing the best you can with what you've got, you've got to extend everyone else the same courtesy.
Other people may not be doing your best but they are doing their best and if you don't understand their behavior, it's because you haven't walked a mile in their shoes but you can try, it's called empathy.
Here's one of my favorite quotes, only thing is, unless you apply it to yourself first, you won't be able to "see" it in others.
"Go and love someone exactly as they are and then watch how quickly they transform into the greatest, truest versions of themselves. When one feels seen and appreciated in their now essence, one is instantly empowered." Wes Angelozzi