The majority of my clients, like the majority of the world, struggle with worthiness issues.
As their coach, it’s both a privilege and opportunity to help them discover, reveal, and express their inherent worth.
This can be quite a challenge when their goodness was never mirrored as a child, or they were only praised for performance, obedience, and meeting expectations.
My initial conversation is centered on self-acceptance, which is difficult if they weren’t entirely accepted “as-is” during their formative years.
Frankly, this is a foreign concept to most; they don’t know how to love themselves until they “start living their best life” or reach some arbitrary goal.
So I’ll ask: What’s good about you? And I’ll typically receive an answer related to some performance metric, which isn’t who they are as much as what they have done/can do.
Then, I’ll ask: Who are you outside of your role as an entrepreneur, a mother, the life of the party, an intellect, a fit person, etc.
I want to know if they can fundamentally see their goodness, and they usually grapple in doing so.
I continue by asking: Can you see anything good about me? Very quickly, they’ll ramble off what makes me whole.
I’ll finally ask: Which part of you do you think can see the goodness in me?
To which I’ll cleverly reply: The goodness in you!
Like knows like.
All cognition is recognition. It’s knowing on a more conscious level what appears to have been known in the unconscious.
Over time, as I continue engaging them from a space of dignity, respect, and admiration, they come to know what I’ve been seeing in them all along, for themselves.
Once they encounter their goodness experientially, the question shifts to: How can I express the peace, love, and joy within me?
“The roots of all goodness lie in the soil of appreciation for goodness.” Dalai Lama