...the environment you grew up in.
"The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego, the second half is going inward and letting go of it." Carl Jung
We all get to a point in life where our egos fail us.
The constant need to feel worthy, be right, act superiorly, judge others, search for happiness in material things, and calculate how we can get what we want gets olds and wears us down.
As we near the edges of our own limited resources, we start looking for an abundance of Resources greater than our own.
But the ego won't go down without a fight, as it will struggle to remain in control.
We often refer to this phenomenon as hitting "rock bottom."
J.K. Rowling humbly said: "Rock bottom became the foundation from which I built my life upon"—the way up is down!
At this point, we don't have many choices but to surrender our egoic ways.
Interestingly, our capacity for surrender is proportionate to our quality of life when we lived in a "surrendered" state.
During our formative years, by default, we led a surrendered life—we had virtually no control over anything, and we rely upon our caregivers for everything.
The quality of those experiences determines how safe surrender feels and how willing we will be to let go of our ego.
If you grew up in a critical, disorganized, unpredictable, anxious, and fearful environment, surrender is going to experientially remind you of those times.
We hold onto control because it feels safe.
Though, once we realize that what we're surrendering to is pure, unadulterated, perfect Love, we start to loosen our grip.
This journey from the first to the second half of life is a matter of shifting our gaze from our containers to our contents and lo and behold, you find out joy, contentment, fulfillment, and happiness was there all along.
"Finding yourself consists of peeling off years of social conditioning to find a self as it existed during childhood, unmasked." Anonymous