The Whole Person Blog: Week Three, Day One, Part 2/2 - Guardians of the Heart
Sunday, January 12th, 2020
It was this about time of year ten years ago that I truly recognized the interconnectedness of MindBodySpirit® and why people were failing to reach their health and happiness resolutions. They were coming to me to enhance their Body, but their Mind was holding them back, and their Spirit was suffering. This insight helped me see I was playing a minimal role in my client's transformative process, and I realized I was leaving a lot on the table. For the first time in my career, I was more interested in positioning them for success beyond our encounter, and this changed how I engaged with them. I became far more interested in what was going on in their lives outside of my studio, which meant we were talking more and working out less. At first, this was a very bumpy road, and even though they appreciated my approach, I was no longer meeting their expectations by providing a "good" workout. What they were looking for was the reassurance that it was OK to be treated as a Whole Person, and didn't have to measure success by how sore and sweaty they were when they left. Despite the hiccups, once I saw the journey through a broader lens, I couldn't unsee it, and I had difficulty prioritizing tactics ahead of strategies. Once I started asking better questions, I was amazed to find how little support people had in their lives. Even worst, frequently, the people they lived with would be a significant source of resistance. In Dr. Mario Martinez's words, they didn't have a Guardian of the Heart:
"I see relationships as opportunities to heal archetypal wounds (shame, abandonment, betrayal). They are also opportunities to coauthor belonging without ownership and love without fear. Guardianship in relationships celebrates the union of two individuals who commit to a covenant of safety that promotes mutual emotional healing and resolves the fear of being wounded again. But to be a guardian of the heart is about much more than healing wounds. The covenant of safety we create is a foundation we establish so we may communicate the language of love without the obstruction of archetypal wounds. If you commit to protecting your partner's heart, and you trust your partner to protect yours, you achieve the two objectives of the covenant of safety: trust and dignity. It's an indirect way to learn worthiness, commitment, and faith, all through the power of love."
How wonderful does that sound? To have someone in your life that vows to protect your heart at all times. For some people, this is a terrifying thought due to the number of times they've trusted and been hurt. These types of relationships are formed with intention, honored at all times in all ways, and sustained with a loyal commitment to one another. In order for this to work, both parties are required to fully access the present moment, which means working through the painful emotions that are commonly, subconsciously suppressed. Let's be honest; it's safer to remain closed off inside states of anger than it is to open up and risk getting hurt all over again. Instead of seeing this as someone who's shitty, bitchy, or inflexible, I hope you can appreciate how this is our biology at play; it's all a cover-up, designed to protect one's heart. However, once they know they can trust you, they will transition out of survival mode, and blossoming begins. At the end of the day, the only way I can show up for, love, and protect you is if I do it for myself first. This type of union creates tension, which forges transformation for all parties involved.
"The real gifts are the gratitude we experience when we receive, and the generosity we feel when we offer." Dr. Mario Martinez
*Just in case you this video in the Saturday Summary, I introduce and provide an insight into what a MindBodySpirit Coaching session looks and feels like, and announce I am offering FREE Weekly Group Coaching. I would appreciate it if you shared it on social media :-) You can register here.