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Getting at the driver behind high expectations



Whether conscious or unconscious, we're always setting expectations.


One pattern I'm noticing is people chronically setting unrealistic expectations and living in constant states of frustration, disappointment and resentment when they're not met.


It's a sad story because they actually don't understand why they're doing it.


The setting of high expectations often stems from an underlying unmet need to feel accepted, significant, relevant, important and worthwhile.


Whether that was growing up in an unloving household, never being able to meet parents expectations or only feeling loved after performing well, the wound cuts deep and almost never heals for most.


They tell themselves: "If I rise to the occasion and complete this task, then I'll be good enough."--in other words, they're hustling for their worth.


As a result, there's absolutely no joy associated with this process of striving because they've placed their identity on the line and if they don't meet it, they live inside of shame.


Even worst, once they meet this expectation, then they've got to meet the next one because they're only as good as their last performance.


Exposing the root cause of this behavior to most people, at first, is met with resistance but as they continue to struggle with the necessary humiliations of this disease, they experientially come to connect the dots on the driver of this behavior, which pushes our conversation deeper.


Nothing outside of us can ever fill the void of feeling unworthy of love and belonging.


You guessed it, there's already "something" inside of you that has filled it and once you come to understand this for yourself, the hustle fades and joy surfaces.

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