Don't repeat what I say back to me

I was having a conversation with a MindBodySpirit® Coaching client, and on her intake form, she mentioned growing up with an angry, controlling parent.

As we were trying to make sense of the stressful situation she's in, I hypothesized that growing up with an angry, controlling parent might have contributed to her imbalances.

Immediately, she became defensive and blurted out: My mother was not angry or controlling! She went on protecting her mother's image, minimizing the pain she had caused, and justifying her behaviors.

I sat in amazement, literally speechless,


how repeating exactly what she had written could have backfired.

Rather than arguing my truth, I asked more questions to understand her position better. Ends up, she was wrestling with the guilt of blaming her mother for her current state. She feared blaming her would cause her to remain stuck (and it would if she were blaming, but she wasn't).

I pointed out the difference between blame and recognition and how acknowledging her reality is a matter of honoring her journey and individuality. I told my client I


her mother did the best she could with what she had, and she likely treated her the way she was treated, and her behavior wasn't good or bad, as much as it just was what it was.

I had a few key takeaways from this interaction...

  1. Symbolism is far more powerful than literalism

  2. Her words spoken back to her were far more real than writing them down

  3. Giving voice to her words conflicted with the story she told herself about her mother

  4. When love becomes entangled with anger, it's difficult separating the two

  5. Her defensiveness was evidence that her wound is still wide open

"Perception is reality." Lee Atwater

* If your life is not reflecting the YES within you, please join me tomorrow night for a YES meditation. I will teach how to rest your mind, be still in your body, and rediscover your original goodness. Register here: and invite someone you care about to join you :-)



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