The biggest challenge with surrender is the environment you grew up in…

“The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego, the second half is going inward and letting go of it.” Carl Jung

We all get to a point in life where our egos fail us.

The continuous need to feel worthy, be right, act superiorly, judge others, search for happiness in material things and calculate how we can get what we want gets olds and wears us down.

As we near the edges of our own limited resources, we start looking for an abundance of Resources greater than our own.

But the ego won’t go down without a fight, as it will struggle to remain in control.

We often refer to this phenomenon as hitting “rock bottom.”

J.K. Rowling humbly said: “Rock bottom became the foundation from which I built my life upon”—the way up is down!

At this point, we don’t have many choices but to surrender our egoic ways.

Interestingly, our capacity for surrender is proportionate to our quality of life when we lived in a “surrendered” state.

During our formative years, by default, we led a surrendered life—we had essentially no control over anything and we rely upon our caregivers for everything.

The quality of those experiences determines how safe surrender feels and how willing we will be to let go of our ego.

If you grew up in a critical, disorganized, unpredictable, anxious and fearful environment, surrender is going to experientially remind you of those times.

We hold onto control because it feels safe.

Though, once we realize that what we’re surrendering to is pure, unadulterated, perfect Love, we start to loosen our grip.

This journey from the first to second half of life is a matter of shifting our gaze from our containers to our contents and lo and behold, you find out joy, contentment, fulfillment and happiness was there all along.

Everyone is doing the best they can with what they’ve got…

It’s so easy to judge others when they’re not doing your best.

However, criticism causes separateness and energetically contributes fear to the world.

The alternative is to see that at any moment, everyone is doing the best they can with what they’ve got.

This is a compassionate stance that appreciates we’re all byproducts of our environments.

Is it possible that person can do better?

Absolutely–but definitely not within an environment of judgment and criticism!

A smile, an encouragement, a helping hand and dare I say prayer, are far more effective at helping others become who they are capable of being.

Love wins, again!

Stepping back into the Flow…

When you’re in the Flow, there are no words to describe it.

Life feels easy and spacious and you feel flexible and generous.

And just as quickly as you get into it, you can fall out of it.

Speechless, you wonder how it even happened?!

The good news is, the Flow is still happening.

You don’t need to recreate it as much as you simply step back into it.

Think of a river, when you see the river flowing; you know it’s flowing because you can see it.

Question: Is the river still flowing when you’re not looking at it?

Absolutely yes!

Stepping back into the Flow is an act of vulnerability, courage and trust.

The foundation is missing…

I see so many people with the best of intentions, come out of the gate running, headed for greatness, only to fall flat on their face and back into familiar ways.

From personal experience, may I share a secret?

You can only climb as high as your foundation is deep.

By foundation, I mean having a fundamental structure in how you operate, which may include and is not limited to…

  1. Knowing your 3 most important, personal values
  2. Identifying your personal boundaries (what you do/don’t do)
  3. Honoring a sleep/wake schedule
  4. Simple, fulfilling morning and evening rituals
  5. A personal manifesto, an enlightened and inspiring statement of intent

Don’t make it too complicated and do realize the development of a foundation is a process and not an event that begins and ends this coming Monday.

While it can feel like “fixin to get ready,” the whole purpose of developing a stable base is to have something you can reliably build upon–a task for the mature mind.

Peace, love and joy for no reason…

Peace, love and joy for no reason…
 
Culturally, we’ve been conditioned to need a reason to experience positive feelings:
1. Finish your to-do list to feel peace
2. Make someone happy to feel love
3. Get outside of your comfort zone to feel joy
 
This is the Newtonian model of cause and effect that suspends happiness and relies on external events to feel internally satisfied.
 
No, thank you!
 
We’re all biologically and spiritually equipped to access those states at anytime, for no reason at all.
 
This is a paradigm shift for most because it’s been ingrained in us to hustle for them.
 
Allow your breath to be your inherent reminder of your unlimited access to peace, to love and to joy…if you can’t find it there, you won’t find it elsewhere either.
 
The hardest part is simply observing, accepting and allowing them to surface.
 
Surrender is the gateway.

When I’m in a funk…

…first and foremost, I create space for it.
 
I don’t try to change it or fix it as much as I try to allow it and understand it.
 
This is not the advice of our instant gratification culture.
 
Culturally, we tend to label our state of mind and body and pop the appropriate pill.
 
I start by observing it, typically in the form of journaling, which is almost always cathartic and relieving.
 
Then I choose to accept my state, typically in the form of meditation, where I take full ownership and responsibility for my condition and acknowledge the experience as an event and not my identity.
 
Last, I surrender it, typically in the form of a constructive, love-based action that expresses my inherent worth.
 
Honestly, I don’t always feel great immediately after, however; I’ve learned to associate effort with success and appreciate I have compassion-centric process to help myself through difficult times.
 
I choose to share my challenges and live in solidarity with those who have pain and may have difficulty sharing it.

Choice and free will…

I see t-shirts and posters that flaunt: “Quitting is not an option.”

Of course it is!

If quitting weren’t an option, committing would have no significance.

Without free will, having choices are a moot point.

What are we doing with our unlimited potential?

We have unlimited potential that exists within the quantum field and more often than not, we’re unconsciously replaying our past, rehearsing our problems and projecting the worst-case scenario.

For all intensive purposes, our infinite possibilities are being dedicated to recreating our past.

The brain can serve as a record of the past or a map to the future and your conscious mind can decide how to engage it.

Awareness precedes transformation!

Two ways of reaching your goals…

There are two ways of reaching your goals:

  1. You moving towards them
  2. Them coming towards you

The first is the traditional hustle and grind—you go out and get it. This approach inherently starts with a certain kind of emptiness that where you are is not good enough. It unconsciously says: “I have to get there because I’m not quite fulfilled here.” This is a very physical and tactical approach and oftentimes, the steps required to getting “there” feels like an obligation, something you have-to do.

The second is a bit more subtle and creative—you stay here and get it. This approach efficiently invites your preferred reality to become your current reality by creating an environment in which the goal is the natural byproduct. It unconsciously says: “I’m already full and this goal will serve as an expression of my fullness.” This is a very mental and strategic approach and oftentimes, the steps required to getting there feels like an opportunity, something you want-to do.

Both strategies work and are equally as challenging in different ways and having practiced both, the latter has been far more rewarding and sustainable.

Litmus tests of transformation…

Clients often ask if I think something they want to say, do or be is a good idea.

I don’t want to be responsible for that answer for a variety of reasons…

  1. It disempowers them from making decisions for themselves (eroding their thought process)
  2. It discourages them from trusting their intuition
  3. If it doesn’t work out…guess whose fault it is?

My response is inevitably always the same: “It’s a good idea when it passes all three litmus tests of transformation…

  1. Is it enjoyable?
  2. Is it rewarding?
  3. Is it sustainable?

If there’s no joy associated with making the decision (even if it’s uncomfortable), if you don’t feel rewarded by it (inspired by your values) and you can’t sustain your efforts over the next 20 years…don’t do it! If yes, then yes!

Example…

Should I manage a difficult conversation

  • Is it enjoyable–It’s uncomfortable and wanting to stand up for myself means there’s joy in my heart–check!
  • Is it rewarding–I’m expressing my value for personal boundaries–check!
  • Is it sustainable–I will manage these types of conversations earlier on when things first come up–check!

Allowing litmus tests to guide your decision-making builds confidence, integrity and trust into your lifestyle, a true win-win-win!!!