Compassion as a healing agent…

Unintentionally, masses of people suspend joy in their lives.

They just can’t be happy until they get where they want to be.

They’re incredibly harsh on and critical towards themselves because they’re not there yet.

They believe “tough love” is the answer to more motivation, more discipline and more will power.

Little do they realize, self-criticism is a form of self-rejection that diminishes their self-worth and sucks all the joy out of the transformative process.

The key is to love your self along the way.

Can you love yourself each day in the process of becoming who you want to be?

Isn’t the fact you want to improve your quality of life a call for celebration?

Once you realize your behavior is the result of your environment and experiences during your formative years when you had NO control over anything, you may consider replacing your critical nature with compassionate understanding.

Compassion, as it ends up, is the healing agent and catalyst for conversion.

Love wins…again and again and again!

Becoming the catalyst…

All too often, we dream of a preferred reality and fail to see ourselves as the catalyst for getting there.

We subconsciously hope something outside of us will come along and facilitate the process.

The conscious mind has two gifts: 1. It can focus its attention and 2. It can visualize that which has not yet happened.

Back to the dream…see yourself as the driver of that experience and feel the resistance that manifests.

What emotions surface? What do you feel and where do you feel it? What previous experiences do those sensations remind you of?

Do your work there–breathe into those areas of emotional congestion and then lead your initiative from that place as you transform your pain into your preferred reality!

Injecting your soul into your challenges often gets you through them.

Ceilings of abundance…

You’re on the right track: you’re eating well, you’re working out, you’re staying hydrated, you’re creating boundaries around your sleep schedule and then, “all of a sudden,” you stop.

You start engaging what you call “sabotaging” behaviors: you’re eating whatever you want, you’re skipping workouts, you’re consuming sugary drinks and you’re barely sleeping.

In case you’re wondering what happened, you’ve exceeded your ceiling of abundance, your threshold of what you feel you “deserve.”

During our formative years, our authority figures and role models teach us what we deserve—not verbally, experientially.

For instance, lets say you grew up with a workaholic father who could never seemingly make ends meet; the message you may have taken away was to work hard and don’t thrive.

Of course, this father would even tell you to “do better than I did” but his generous advice lacks the substance necessary to undo years of witnessing and adopting his behavior.

In fact, in order for you to move beyond the ceiling created by this person, you’d have to in a sense, “betray” them.

From the Paleolithic era, we’ve been wired from a young age to stay “within the pale” and not exceed the tribe’s standards or you’d be excluded and vulnerable to danger.

It’s worth mentioning, you’re behaviors aren’t sabotaging (which suggest intentionality), as much as they’re protective, to numb the painful feelings (fear, shame, guilt, etc.) associated with moving beyond your threshold.

The only way to “raise the roof” is by way of focused inner work, dedicated to acknowledging and validating your pain, betraying the lessons you were taught and embracing the resistance of receiving health, wealth and happiness.

It’s so important to not hate yourself for being imperfect, all behaviors are learned and with effort, we can forge new ways of being.

You’re never fully dressed without a smile…

Well I certainly don’t remember all the lyrics even though my siblings and I watched Annie about 327 times but I do remember how the song made us feel and we danced our hearts out every time.
 
A smile is a universal sign of acceptance. Without saying anything, it signals “the goodness in me sees the goodness in you.”
 
Smiles are hard because they come from the inside and if you’ve got enough joy in your bucket to share a genuine one, just know they’re contagious.
 
Pass it on 🙂
——————————————————–
 
Hey, hobo man,
Hey, dapper dan,
You’ve both got your style,
But, brother, you’re never fully dressed
Without a smile!
 
Your clothes may be beau brummelly
They stand out a mile,
But, brother, you’re never fully dressed
Without a smile!
 
Who cares what they’re wearing
On main street or saville row?
It’s what you wear from ear to ear,
And not from head to toe,
That matters.
 
So, senator,
So, janitor,
So long for a while.
Remember you’re
Never fully dressed,
Though you may wear your best.
You’re never fully dressed
Without a smile
Smile!
Smile!
 
Just in case you get a hankerin’…https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ry79LzkkDb4

Becoming worthy vs. expressing worthiness…

If whatever you’re doing today is an attempt to “become” worthy, it will most assuredly feel like an obligation.
 
If whatever you’re doing today is an attempt to “express” your worthiness, it will most assuredly feel like an opportunity.
 
By the way, you can’t become worthy because you already are worthy!
 
Your past may have told you otherwise but you can’t mistake the events of your life with your divine identity.
 
If you allow the Source of your worthiness to be at least as big as our universe, which NASA has estimated to contain 2 trillion galaxies, it takes on a whole new meaning.
 
I’m not referring to psychological worth but a cosmological notion of an incomprehensible, unthinkable and dynamic worth.
 
The only true task today is receiving it and upon doing so, the vast majority of your challenges will fall by the wayside…if you allow them to.
 
This highlights the privilege and beauty of free will.
 
Make it a great day!

Problems around us vs. Problems within us…

Oh how tempting it is to want to fix all the problems around us…especially everyone else’s.

Fixing the problems within you is a much bigger pill to swallow and interestingly, fixes the problems around you.

Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world.

Just tell me what to do…

…and I’ll do it.

To this day, new clients desperately want to know “what to do” in order to achieve success.

They promise if I tell them, they’ll do it.

I used to tell them to follow all my advice to the tee and they’ll get where they want to be.

Ugh–could my response have been any more egoic and self-centered.

Boy has 20 years experience and a little bit of growing up changed that response.

Today I tell them to love all the parts of themselves they feel are unlovable…that’s transformation.

It’s usually followed by a deep sigh…only proportionate to the level they feel convicted.

One hand washes the other…

We of course understand that one hand washes the other. 

 

Though, we don’t always understand how it applies beyond our hands.

 

There seems to be a constantly struggle between mind and body.

 

The mind is never happy with its body’s physique, energy levels, posture, comfort or function…hell, the mind’s not really happy with anything. 

 

All the while the Body says: “Mind, I’m just a reflection of how and when it’s time to move, how you choose to nourish us and when you feel it’s right to get some rest. 

 

The Body continues saying: “I’ll happily give you what you want so long as you give me what I need. Move me; exercise is optional but movement is mandatory. Nourish me; take the time to notice we are what you eat. Rest me, it’s our fountain of youth.”

 

The Mind replies: You’re right, I’ve not been kind to us and you’re just the physical evidence. I’ve been putting everyone and everything else ahead of us. I’ve been so busy trying to become “successful” and self-care is not on my priority list. Don’t tell anyone because they’ll judge us but I feel empty inside and I struggle with performance-based worthiness and quite honestly, it’s easier for me to blame you than it is to see my role in our situation.”

 

Everything is about relationship. All successful one’s balance wants and needs. The mind wants and the body needs. Find your balance!

The reason why people struggle with meditation is…

…they’re too focused on relaxing.

What?! Isn’t that the point? Maybe but sometimes indirect methods work better than direct ones.

Before I take my clients through a meditation, I first ask what they think meditation is about. Here’s the consensus…to relax, be still, not think and let go.

These “rules” become expectations and their inability to follow them lend themselves to frustration, disappointment, anger and shame and eventually they just quit because their experience doesn’t match their expectations.

Peter Drucker said: “What gets measured gets managed,” so I help them replace frustration with contentment by changing their metrics for success.

I talk to them about the nature of the mind, how our culture affects our mind and how the ego lacks the capacity to rest.

I tell them the first goal of meditation is to simply observe their thoughts, don’t judge them, label them, attach to them or resist them, just observe them.

Then, after 3 minutes, they write a review about their experience and more often than not, report there was a point at which they relaxed, let go and didn’t have any thought—voila!

You can call it reverse psychology but I simply call it managing expectations.

The “secret” to consistent change is…

Accessing the present moment, which is a skill-set.

You have to learn how to…

  • Observe reality and allow the inherent goodness in you to see the goodness in others and stand in the GAP and hold space for those who feel separate and behave in protective ways
  • Accept reality and stop judging others when they aren’t doing your best, labeling behaviors you don’t understand and attaching to what “he said she said”
  • Surrender to reality and your need to control anything outside of yourself, actively participate in new ways of being and be light in the lives of others

Of course there’s lots of subtlety and nuance sandwiched between these steps but for the seeking mind, exploring what’s “in between” is the fun, exciting and opportunistic part.