Have you ever wondered why relapse is so prevalent amongst people who’ve seemingly conquered their substance (food, alcohol, drugs, porn, bingewatcing TV, etc.)?
It’s not that they’ve lost motivation or will power or discipline, it’s most likely that they never changed their environment. They’re constantly being pulled back into their “old ways” by the nature of their daily lifestyle.
For instance, when someone comes to me to lose weight, while they want to focus on weight loss, I want to focus on balancing the environment/lifestyle that led to the weight gain. Keep in mind, balancing your life requires a much fuller commitment than addressing the byproduct of your imbalances.
If I were to focus on the weight, and I did for the first 10 years of my career, I would be overly focused on the symptoms instead of actively addressing the cause. When you’re doing that by the way, you’re also enabling the person even though that would not be your intent.
The only way (that I am aware of) to create success, which means that success is maintained beyond the intervention, is to create an environment supportive of the goal.
Here are top five things I address when helping someone create balance in their lives…
If you’re your own worst critic or biggest enemy, you’re in your own way. The key is to replace self-criticism, which is an investment in your unworthiness with self-compassion, which is an investment in your worthiness.
2. SELF CARE
Before you can get what you want, you must give yourself what you need. Satisfying your fundamental needs for reflection/downtime, movement, nourishment, rest and connection will give you the resources you need to get where you want to go.
If you’re overcommitted and under delivering, you’ve got to question the driver behind your need for this chaos. See that the driver is fear-based, creates an opportunity to let go of commitments that don’t align with your goals. Which creates space for ones that do.
Michael J. Fox said family is not an important thing, it’s the only thing. I’m sure friends could fit into that statement as well. If you’re not in relation to those around you, you’re like a wave all alone in the ocean and we can never thrive in isolation.
To a higher power, something grander than you, something with infinite resources, something that reminds you of your worthiness, something that you don’t fully understand but are willing to believe in anyways.
As these aspects of my client’s lives come into balance, so does their waistline and their protective behaviors start to fade away. Minus building success into the environment, I don’t see how one can enjoyably sustain her efforts. Hopefully, this helps you understand why 98% fail their resolutions.
“We cannot make choices for the rest of our lives without an environment that makes those choices easy, natural and enjoyable.” Deepak Chopra